Since there have always been child actors and actresses, we, as viewers, are accustomed to seeing them grow up on our screens. We look on in admiration; after all, how can we not be enchanted by such cute and talented children? But are their lives behind the screens as bright and shiny as they seem? Do they enjoy themselves as much as it appears to us, the audience? Or is the child labor of young actors just another cruel aspect of child exploitation that we pretend not to see because we want to be entertained? Is the talent we admire truly genuine and spontaneous, or is it the result of much effort, training, and almost indoctrination by parents and agents who are actually serving their own interests? Is it possible that behind all the charm surrounding child stars, there is a dark world of indoctrination, manipulation, and exploitation perpetrated by those who, instead of caring for and protecting, are actually manipulating, exploiting, and destroying innocent lives, which end up paying a high price for something they never asked for: fame?
Cases where young actors and actresses who started their careers in childhood come forward with allegations of abuse, mistreatment, and financial exploitation years later are not rare. One of the most emblematic cases is that of former child actor Macaulay Culkin, who in 1994 became involved in a legal dispute with his parents over his fortune. Soon after that, the actor retired, and his career was never the same again. This is a striking case, and I could mention thousands here, like Alyson Stoner, Lindsay Lohan, Ariel Winter, Raven-Symoné, Miley Cyrus; in short, the list is huge, and the list of abuse by parents, mothers, and producers is immense, leading these young child stars to issues with drugs, alcohol, and eating disorders, which caused not only damage to their careers but to their lives as well.
But when we come across Jennette McCurdy's account, better known as Sam from iCarly, in her book 'I'm Glad My Mom Died', everything she went through at the hands of her narcissistic and controlling mother shocks us once again with the absurdity present in every line of her harsh account. We wonder how a mother, who should be protecting and caring for her daughter, is doing just the opposite. How can someone abuse their power as a mother to manipulate and use a child as a toy without even considering the consequences that such manipulation, exploitation, and abuse can have on their young psyche? But when we ask these questions, we are considering a normal mother, which definitely is not the case here.
According to Jennette, Debra McCurdy had serious problems: she was a hoarder, had delusions of grandeur, and had a completely unstable personality. As a mother, she was no different—manipulative and cruel. She enjoyed categorizing her children and playing with their insecurities. Not even cancer made her change; on the contrary, it was just another weapon in her arsenal of weapons against her own children. Narcissistic and controlling as she was, she found in Jennette her only daughter, the perfect victim for her manipulation, turning the girl from a very young age into nothing more than a tool for her to achieve her dreams of grandeur and fame.
As a mother, Debra believed that her daughter existed only to please her and serve her purposes. Jennette, having been indoctrinated by her mother from a very young age, served blindly for a long time all the whims and desires of her mother, without even realizing how much this would harm not only her physical health but also her psychological well-being.
In her book, Jennette takes us through all the events of her childhood, and we see how her mother's behavior made the environment toxic through the accounts of the conversations she had with her mother. That's right, an adult woman confided in a child under ten years old about her frustrations with marriage and life, her desire to be famous, and her belief that she could have had a much better life if it weren't for Jennette's father, whom she blamed for all her misfortunes, thus making her daughter feel obligated to make her happy. We can see how problematic this woman was, and to satisfy her grandiose needs, she convinced her own daughter to become an actress, something the girl clearly didn't want. She forced her to take acting, piano, dance, and singing lessons and to attend numerous auditions, immersing the girl from a very young age in a spiral of work, and even worse, work she didn't even enjoy. In other words, Jeannette had no choice; her birth as Debra's daughter sentenced her for many years to a life of lies.
But that's just the tip of the iceberg. When Jennette finally reaches fame by joining the cast of iCarly, Debra's obsession only increases. The girl lives in a large prison under her mother's strict control, always having to smile and be kind to everyone. She is even a victim of physical abuse by her mother, who insists on bathing and examining her and even goes to the extreme of making the girl, who was already a young woman, take a bath with her brother. Imagine the embarrassment these siblings felt in the face of their mother's madness.
It reaches a point between childhood and adolescence where Debra has so much control over her daughter that she instills in her the obsessive idea of dieting and weight loss. The goal was to slow down the girl's growth. I believe that, here, Debra's true fear was losing control over her golden goose. She reaches the peak of intruding into her daughter's house when, after surviving an adolescence marked by abuse and eating disorders, she grows up and moves into an apartment donated by the studio. This is during the period when Debra was treating her cancer for the hundredth time. The truth is that the times when Jennette was able to have more freedom and make progress towards being an independent person were when Debra was not around. But Debra was manipulative and selfish enough to, as soon as she could, insert herself into her daughter's apartment, who by this time was already experiencing a taste of freedom.
She began to take her first steps into her adult life, and, by this point, she had a boyfriend, hidden from her mother, of course. She knew very well that this would be something her mother would not tolerate, especially because even before knowing about her daughter's relationship and believing that she was going to sleep at Miranda's (Cosgrove) house, the mother was already causing a scene, trying to dissuade her daughter from leaving home. And when emotional blackmail doesn't work, she goes crazy, throwing the remote control in her daughter's direction and using extremely offensive words against her. This is while remembering that she was already an adult and her mother was a guest at her house. What I see here is an extremely abusive relationship where the mother believed her daughter was her property. At this point, we clearly see how obsessed she was with controlling her daughter's life. And at this point, we see how Jennette's father is also controlled and manipulated by the woman, as even though he is always present, he never says anything.
Not that this relationship was good for Jeanette, let alone healthy, as the young man was a heavy drinker and just as manipulative as her mother. But it was her life, and her mother had no right to react the way she did. After discovering through paparazzi shots that Jennette is dating a producer from the show named Joe, she freaks out and sends an email with terrible insults, disowning her own daughter. At the same time, she demands money to buy a refrigerator. This is just one of the many absurdities in the book, as we have another one right after. At the end of the trip, she picks up her phone and discovers that her own mother badmouthed her in her fan club and even, in one of her delusions of grandeur, threatened to take all her fans away. This book is one absurdity after another.
Next, we see how their relationship is deteriorating because, after all, what Debra feared most happened: Jeanette grew up and felt an uncontrollable urge to live her own life and make her own choices. But Debra won't give up so easily. Even when meeting with her daughter after the boyfriend's incident, she still forces her to sing a song that isn't suitable for her voice and makes her feel confused and bad for not reaching the note. And, to make matters worse, she forces her daughter to promise to sing that song at her funeral. Proof that she has no limits or redemption. Even when she is in the hospital in her final days, she still manages to judge what her daughter eats. Finally, Jeannette's mother dies, and the first thing she does is go buy a case for her iPhone. This shows us that, in the end, all that remained between her and her mother was confusion, resentment, and ultimately, distance.
With her mother's death, the end of her relationship with the aforementioned producer, the end of iCarly, and the start of filming her show Sam & Cathy, Jeannette enters a whirlwind of emotions that lead her to have a somewhat controversial relationship with alcohol and her diet. During this phase, her eating disorders reach their peak, and due to her entirely wrong upbringing, she genuinely believes that bulimia is a good thing because, between mourning her mother's death and the complicated environment of the show, where Jeannette has to carry all the work alone while Ariana Grande divides her time between the show and her rising career, it would be difficult even for someone with a solid emotional foundation not to feel lost and frustrated. Imagine having all the problems that Jeannette has. I would say that, even though she abuses alcohol and bulimia here, she was strong because many, with all the baggage she carries, might not have endured.
Having had her self-esteem damaged from an early age, it is not incomprehensible that, faced with everything arbitrary happening on the show, Jeannette did not make the mistake of depreciating herself, comparing herself, and even envying Ariana. Envy is a human feeling, but in Jeannette's case, the fact that she felt envy doesn't seem so bad to me because, of all the damaging feelings she could feel in this abusive and absurd situation, envy was certainly the least harmful.
And the icing on the cake of the shit that was her entire experience on Nickelodeon was when, after being used all this time to carry the series on her back while Ariana Grande only used the show's name to promote her career, the chance to direct one of the episodes of the series was unfairly taken away from her. No wonder Jeannette freaked out. Surely that was the last straw for her, and when the series finally ended, they even had the audacity to try to buy her silence. My God, these people have no limits.
Pushed aside after the end of Sam and Cat, Jeannette had a long way to go to finally break free from her prison as an actress. Between one therapy session and another, she found her way to healing, although, as she herself says, healing is a daily process that is never truly complete. But I believe Jeannette is a survivor, and after enduring everything she suffered at the hands of her mother and the entertainment industry, still having the courage to come forward in a lighter and more fun way to tell her story only shows her strength. I believe Jeannette's story can certainly inspire many who, like her, have gone through difficult situations in childhood and adolescence.
In conclusion, Jeannette's story shows how fame can be detrimental and how a stolen and distorted childhood by parents thirsty for control, profit-hungry managers, and unscrupulous producers can have a damaging effect on a person's entire life. Jeannette became a broken adult due to years of emotional and physical abuse, and this had disastrous consequences for her life, such as eating disorders, alcohol problems, problematic relationships, a lot of pain, feelings of inadequacy, and low self-esteem. I can't even imagine what it would be like to go through everything Jeannette went through, but what stands out most is the strength she had to rebuild and reinvent herself despite it all. And that, for sure, is worthy of all our admiration and is an inspiration for anyone out there going through worse situations.
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